I <3 My Family + Jane + lunch skippage

Just a quick blog to say that I am home and I LOVE MY FAMILY TO PIECES!!!

We are all here. My brother, my sister, me, my mom, my dad, and my dog.

And this is how it's meant to be. We are meant to be together. As is, the 5 of us live in a total of 3 cities. I wish we all lived in the same city, under the same roof. Being with my family just feels right. I'm really lucky and fortunate in this regard, I know. Being with my family feels like ah, sigh, everything is in place. It feels like home.

My room in the house is right next to the kitchen. When I had sleep eating problems, I had major issues with the location of my room. My brother's room is the best room in the house with the comfiest bed. It is upstairs, away from the kitchen. I used to come home and my family would feel like they'd have to have a kitchen make over or surrender total control of the kitchen to me. It was out of control and ridiculous.

Today, on the drive home, I got a text from my incredible brother, Chris. It said: "Do you want to sleep in my room, and I'll sleep downstairs. I don't mind."

I wrote back, "Only only only only only if you really truthfully actually don't mind."

He wrote back, "Not at all."

My parents told me that he and my sister got to work immediately, washed the sheets on my brothers bed, put on new sheets just for me, made the bed together, etc.

How cute! How nice!

I am in love.... in love with my brother and sister. (Chris, 22 and Jenna, 16)

I walked in the door.

Got a self esteem boost from my drooling dog, wagging her tail to tell me that my return home is the best thing that's happened to her all day :)

Gave my sister a hug

Gave my brother a long hug.

Made tea.

And plopped down on the couch in between my brother, sister, and dog.

Perfection.


----in other news---
I had a good therapy session with Jane today. We did some work on body image. The most helpful thing she told me was that, in her experience, people do figure out what their body looks like and do come to have a consistent and stable image of their body shape. So at least I know that is to come. She asked me to touch myself: first my wrists and then my thighs. Then she wanted me to hold my thighs. Kind of strange.

I also read her the letter I wrote (I posted some of the letter on here earlier this week but not all of it). She told me she was glad I wasn't working full-time. She also told me she wanted more time with me this session; she went out to the waiting room and told the next person to wait a few minutes. then she came back and extended my session by 5 - 10 minutes. That was really nice of her. I now won't see her for nearly a month. She is going on vacation. I will keep writing her, though; it helps me. We also talked about ways to handle feeling emotions besides restricting.

In other news, I have stopped counting decent days on here because it got annoying. The last three days, though, I have skipped lunch. I still think I'm getting enough calories in because I think my breakfasts and dinners are big enough and I'm not running, but it's still not okay to go from 7am - 7pm without eating (like I did today). So, if I don't eat lunch tomorrow, I'll bring out my phone alarms. Strange thing, though... even though my behavior is not fantastic in that I have skipped lunch; my mind is okay. I'm not counting calories preceisly (juts generally estimating); I'm not feeling anxious; I'm not feeling guilty; I'm choosing foods I want (I had another egg/cheese bagel for breakfast today).

Truth is, I don't really know if it's bad to skip lunch or not when oyu have a bagel with egg and cheese for breakfast. Do some people not eat lunch when they have a big breakfast like that if they're not particularly hungry? I'm not being sarcastic. I really don't know...

That said, it is important that I don't use it as an excuse to keep skipping lunch. Yesterday I didn't eat nearly enough. I had a small breakfast, no lunch, and a small dinner. It was well under 1,000 calories. So, of course, in the middle of the night, I slept ate about one cup of brown rice. I hadn't been sleep eating in a while - because I was eating regularly. Therefore, I have to not make excuses about skipping meals. I need to feed my body at regular intervals. Just because I'm not exercising does not mean I should pick on meal per day to entirely skip. I really will try to fix this tomorrow. It's probably been happening because sometimes I have bigger breakfasts lately, because I'm not running, and... probably other stuff too. Maybe the hurricane of mixed emotions I feel every day now? I dunno. Anyway, I do want to keep my body eating in rhythm. I don't want to sleep eat. I don't feel like i'm in a trap or anything though; I can eat lunch, and I will.

I AM ALREADY LOOKING FORWARD TO HOLDING A HOT MUG OF COFFEE TOMORROW MORNING.

okay, off to bed now. Soooo tired. I slept for like 4 hours last night.... because I was talking to this awesome friend online for a while. It is totally half her fault that I'm tired now :)