Lately I don't feel like blogging. Mostly because I don't want to think. I have been thinking a lot lately, and I want a break from thinking. I had a conversation with a friend (initiated by her) that was about the same stuff Jane has been talking to me about - and I had the same reaction I did in Jane's office: tears. In Jane's office, I just refused to speak in order to not cry. Then I wrote a letter to express myself and read it to her the next session. Well, this conversation today...it made me realize things about myself, my current life, my goals, my worth, what I need, what's holding me back, etc.... and I need to get it all down on paper. I think I will write Jane another letter and read it to her again. I just can't imagine myself actually saying this stuff out loud unless i'm reading a letter. So, sometime before my next (and last for a whole month!) therapy session, I'm going to write another letter explaining the new stuff I'm thinking, realizing, feeling. But I don't want to do it now. It's late. I have been up for 18 hours. I'm beat. I want to relax - not think.
I'm soooo happy to be lying in bed, teeth brushed, face washed, covers all around me. I feel so happy to be home. I am tired.
Today was decent day 53, I suppose:
THOUGHTS:
-I don't like how it felt snacky
-I don't know if I ate too much. Did I? Seriously...
-I didn't enjoy any of my food. It all tasted bad. oh well.
-no guilt or anxiety or calorie counting
-I never really felt satisfied all day long. I need some GOOD TASTING food tomorrow.
FOOD:
B: 1 packet of oatmeal with cinnamon
Ex: "Run" 9 miles (run 6 miles, run/walk mile 7, walk fast up hill mile 8 and 9)
S: Cliff Mojo bar (very, very satisfying and good! It's basically trail mix glued together with Peanut Butter. yum. It has 200 cals, 10g fat, and 10g protein)
L (at 4pm): 1 can of lentil/vegetable soup (320 cal) (this did not taste good at all, but I was hungry)
D (at 6:45pm): 1 packet of oatmeal with 3 spoonfuls crushed almonds, 2 spoonfuls graham cracker crumb, 2 spoonfuls granola, 2 splenda packets, 1 spoonful mini chocolate chips (this was gross. IT was way too sweet. I wanted to lick salty bread after eating this)
S: several samples of fro yo throughout the evening - I had my normal 2 or 3 samples, but then, as I was hungry, I had more. I'll say it amounts to 6 oz?
S: 3 triscuit-like crackers
S: very large handful of kashi TLC crackers
**also, still having some abnormal leg/knee issues. Today I had to climb my stairs like a little kid, two feet per step. I hope this improves over time because I really want to exercise.***
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i too have creaky knees and legs that make it difficult to exercise. sooo frustrating. but when i take a few days off hard cardio, it does help. even though i HATE doing it.
ReplyDeletewhen i do not want to think, i blog about lindsay lohan. :)
haha, maybe i'll give that a try....
ReplyDeleteI thought you were taking a break from running? You might just need to be a little more kind to your leg right now. Is it the same one you hurt last time?
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