Symbolic Dream (and day 17)

I have symbolic dreams all the time.

Twice in the last week I have dreampt that I am going to Jane's house and Sea Lions are taking me there. I'm standing on the Sea Lions and we're going across the bay (San Francisco Bay, which I do cross in real life to get to her) and I'm having a blast. It is so thrilling to ride on the Sea Lions.

Last night I had this very interesting dream:

I went to dinner at Tracy's house. My family was there and so was her family. She served dinner. We had sandwiches. I remember that there was REALLY good cheese on the sandwiches (Tracy is always trying to get me to buy cheese in real life), but the most distinguishing characteristic about the sandwiches was the bread. The bread was HUGE. It was so thick and tall. Also, we had potatoes in addition to the huge-bread-sandwiches. The potatoes were cut into one-inch cubes and covered in this yellowish sauce. They looked good. In addition to the huge-bread-sandwiches and the potatoes, we also had pasta! (Remember the pasta goal and my violent reaction against the pasta goal from a couple of weeks ago?) The interesting thing is that the pasta was not cooked. It was hard and dry, as if it were poured straight out of a box.

My family and her family sat at the dinner table, talking and eating. I was enjoying the food and wasn't stressing out. We were all just having a good time.

Then i noticed that everyone had finished eating except for me. And I thought to myself, "What, how did everyone except for me finish eating?! Now I have to finish all of this food by myself? How did everyone eat it all already? how am I so different that I am the only one left with food left on my plate?" Suddenly I was very aware of how I was different. I still had about 1/3 left of the sandwich, a few forkfulls of potato, and all of the pasta left.

I started to pick at the pasta. Tracy looked at me with kind eyes and she said, "It's okay. Take your time. And you don't have to finish all your food if you don't want to." When she said that, I felt SO MUCH RELIEF. Sigh. Relax. Fewf.

So I ended up finishing the whole sandwich becasue I really liked the cheese. I ate a couple more bites of potatoes, but didn't finish them all. And I never touched the pasta. I looked up at Tracy and mouthed (b/c we were in company of her family and mine) "I'm sorry I didn't eat the pasta." She said, "That is perfectly fine!" And I felt so much relief again.

Then Tracy went to her room to get her pajamas on and I left. When I got to the front door, I opened it and came to a stand-still. There was no ground outside of her door. Her entire house was just surrounded by all this water - not just any water - freezing water. It was ice cold water. I could see the shards of ice floating around in and on top of the water. And there were tons of penguins EVERYWHERE. Penguins! Penguins, cold temps, ice. I was afraid of the penguins and afraid of being cold.

I ram back up the stairs to find Tracy. I was going to tell her it's too cold for me to leave. But I couldn't find her anywhere. So I was scared. Really scared. and I walked down the stairs to the front door again.

I stood at the edge of the ice cold water. A penguin swam over. At first I was frightened by it, but then I realized he was a cute penguin - kind of silly and smiling. And somehow that convinced me to jump into the water.

So I jumped in the water....... and it wasn't cold! I couldn't understand how there was ice and penguins everywhere but it wasn't cold!!! Then a whole group of penguins swam up to me. They were very friendly. I started to play with them. And, in playing with them, before I knew it, I was swimming away from Tracy's house. When I realized I was swimming away from Tracy's house, I stopped, turned around, and looked back at her house. I could see her in her bedroom window, standing there, looking out at me, and smiling. And I felt safe. I like Tracy.

But i didn't want to go back with her because I was too into the Penguins. I was just having so much fun with the penguins as I swam away. And I kept thinking to myself "how come I'm not freezing to death?! There's ice all around me but I'm not cold. And how come these penguins are my friends and not eating me alive?!" I was just in shock that things were working out well.

When I got to the edge of the water, more towards my destination, I was afraid to get out of the water because there was a man with a snowblower standing on the land and I thought he was going to shoot me and kill me with the snowblower. But I decided to risk it... and when I got out, he didn't shoot me and kill me at all. He was really nice and he showed me the path that I need to take. I turned around, saw Tracy in the distance, still smiling at me from her window. Then I thought that I didn't wnat to go on the path with this guy because I'd miss my penguin friends.... but then I so enjoyed talking to the guy that I sort of forgot about the penguin friends and realized, all of th sudden, i was on my way home, walking with this really friendly guy - laughign the whole way. Every once in a while I'd pause to think about Tracy and my penguin friends. If I listened carefuly, I could hear the penguins and I knew I could always go back to them. And then I'd look back to see if Tracy was still there. She was always there. Standing from her window, smiling, watching.


PS: yesterday was decent day 17. Remember all "Decent day" means is 3 meals and foods I want. it's not about perfect eating. So...
B: non-fat grande latte
L: ranch grilled chicken snack wrap from mcdonalds
S: a few samples of fro yo (sample cups), 4 modest sized spoonfuls ice cream, almost 4 oz fro yo
D: 3 oz chicken (maybe? maybe it was 2 oz), veggies (red pepper, zuchini, onion), panang curry sauce all simmered together. I dont' knwo how much. It fit in a cereal bowl.
S: a cup of brown rice