Refreshing

Ah, never let me take a 10 or 11 day haitus from running again! I ran today and it made everything seem peaceful and in a rhythm again. Just wondering, does anyone know what I'm talking about when I say I want to feel "in a rhythm" or when I say I feel good because I feel "in a rhythm?" Just wondering....

First I didn't run because my friend was visiting.
Then I didn't run because I didn't feel well (well, I ran one time when I wasn't feeling well and the whole run sucked!)
Then I didn't run because food was off and I was eating junk and so I was punishing myself by not running and continuing to eat more junk.
And then I didn't run because I have this dumb thing where I have to start running on Mondays (if I'm re-starting from a break). Yeah, stupid rule. I dunno.. Actually I do have a reason but I don't feel like explaining it here.

Well, I was looking forward to Monday for the last few days because I couldn't wait to run. I knew I'd feel better when I ran. I knew I'd feel alive again. I'd feel like I was living at the edge of my face.

Today came. I woke up at 5am because I was hungry. I ate a packet of oatmeal with a little cinnamon and two whole eggs and 2 mugs of coffee. Then I went running. And I thought to myself, "Wow, Laura, you are such a weirdo!" (not a mean thought; a silly thought) because I am a weirdo. Because from the second that I laced up my running shoes I started smiling uncontrollably. I couldn't wait to start! And then I ran. And I felt so unexplainably happy! I went slow and easy and it felt GREAT. Then I felt like going a tad faster, so I did... and it felt even better! And at mile 7 I didn't want to stop, but I had to... because I was only oging to run 5 miles and, a mile in, I changed it to 6 miles... and I had already run past my pre-determined amount... and that gets dangerous fo rme because then I start to feel the need to always run past the pre-determined amount and then I get injured (like what happened 4 or 5 months ago. Wow, that was arleady 4 or 5 months ago!). So I made myself stop... but man oh m an that felt great!

I feel alive again

I feel healthy again

Perhaps i am a little too reliant on running.

But you know what? Even before I had an eating disorder, I used to tell people that I don't get seasonal depression like some people, I get no-activity depression. Keeping active keeps me happy and spirited!

And when I finished running, it was only 8am. And then I went on a cleaning frenzy (which I'm still on... I got distracted walking from the bathroom to the kitchen haha and started to blog...) But I feel so refreshed to have cleaned. And I talked to Apple and I'm going to have to buy a new computer, but that's okay - I mean, whatchya gonna do, right?

And I have to take hte GREs in 2 hrs and I'm totally not prepared and I also totally don't care. I think I don't care b/c I think they're stupid. But, whateva yo. And after the GRES, I have 20 min to get to the fro yo store and I have to work until 11... and it's Monday which means it's super busy b/c we sell ice cream/yogurt for a dollar - shizaaaaz.

So... I am not hungry but I will eat lunch b/c I remembered that 1) skipping meals isn't an option, 2) maybe I'm hungry and I don't realizie it, 3) it's too risky to skip meals (b/c then I get out of a rhythm), 4) it's stupid to not eat before the GRE, 5) if I don't eat soon I won't have a chance to eat for like 5.5 hrs... And i'm also packing my dinner.

this is the most pointless blog ever.

i'm just glad I got to run.

oh, and i wrote tracy back saying that i agree to see her this week. I am looking forward to seeing her b/c I feel bad. I feel like I've been mean to her and she might be mad at me.... eeek.....

there are things that are stressing me out - i could list a million things i'm not good enough at.... that are sort of ruminating in the back of my mind... but i don't feel like thinking a/b them so i'm not going to write them down. but they have to do with grad school apps and domestic chores...