I did not eat enough today.
I don't want to get into specifics.
I did have a lovely day, though - with a concert on the beach, a nice phone convo with a friend, a humorous dinner with my family.... emotionally, it was a good day.
Food wise? Not so much.
Shows me I'm not done yet.
Shows me what happens when I skip just one meal.... the rest of the day goes to ka-putz.
Shows me I still have to be really vigilant with myself.
I didn't want to post this.
I want to lie to the staff and tell them I followed my MP - i won't lie though.
I don't want to say I messed up.
I don't want people to think I messed up today.
The good thing is, in the past, a day like this wouldn't have bothered me. I would have known it wasn't normal, but I would have not been concerned. Now, a day like this does bother me.
So - opp to learn....
to learn i still need to be vigilant
to learn i'm not as in the clear as I thought
to learn where there's work to be done
and, tomorrow, 100% back on track, I will be....
b/c the fact that i did what i did today - so easily - kinda scares me. I don't want to do that again.
Everyone needs these kinds of learning experiences, clearly you've learnt from it.
ReplyDeleteI like your determination to get back on track :) I know you can!
xxxx
I'm glad you can be honest with yourself, and days like these are such good learning experiences, as Battle says. Sometimes we need reminding about the fragility of recovery, and I am confident that your determination will see you through this and any future challenges :-)
ReplyDeleteSarah x
Im proud of you for being honest, for admitting the truth of the situation to yourself and for recognizing that you still have the 100% power to get right back on track tomorrow, and you will.
ReplyDeleteMuch Love
D
Having an off day and observing just how easily/quickly I can slip back is always a sobering experience for me as well. Hang in there. Days with off-routine events (like a concert) can be tricky and tempting to undercut your needs in the name of convenience, or just for lack of motivation to challenge yourself with food when there are other exciting things to focus on. Remember each day is a new box on the calendar and having one deficit day does NOT consign you to repeat the pattern again the next day!
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
Sorry that you had a bad day, but the fact the you recognized it was a bad day and learned from it so important! Yes, it is easy, very easy, to go back to ED, but it is so not worth it! Glad you will be back on track tomorrow!
ReplyDeletehang in the Laura, at least it did bother you which is awesome. If you had said that and it hadn't, I would have been worried. Keep doing good and recongising when things aren't going on track and repairing the damage. You can do this!
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Sarah
I'm so glad that you posted this and that you realize how its not great. I have to remind myself that when I lie to the therapists, I only lie to myself. You can do it. You are amazing.
ReplyDeletethank you so much for your support! you are wonderful and very inspirational <3
ReplyDelete