The education post of Thursday

Today I had an experience that gave me chills and has left me thinking, yearning, feeling.

For work, I went to an underperforming school that my company has a partnership with. This school educates primarily low-income, latino students. We gave free assessments to a handful of students to identify their academic skills and gaps. Then we shared the results with their parents, hoping that they would sign up for a program.

Being at that school, interacting with spanish-speaking families just made my heart throb. I MISS, MISS, MISS my students. I MISS, MISS, MISS schools. I have to remind myself that I DO NOT want to be a classroom teacher anymore. It was DEFINITELY the right decision to not return to teaching this year; however, MAN OH MAN do I miss working with latino families, and I miss walking the halls of schools, seeing the kids, knowing that they have so much potential.

I MISS MY KIDS.

I MISS MY FAMILIES.

I MISS THE LATINO CULTURE.

I MISS KNOWING I WAS A PART OF THOSE KIDS' LIVES.

Part of my job is sales, and for whatever reason, I cannot sell anything to rich, white people. But I seem to be much more talented at selling things to low-income, non-English speaking families. Go figure. I think interacting with those immigrant families is just my comfort zone. It's how I came into education in the first place, maybe that's why I'm comfortable with that population.

But you know what killed me today? Seeing those kids assessment results and talking with the famililes.

We assessed a lot of 4th graders and not a single one of them had a reading level above the kindergarten level. When I finish testing a student, and I realize they are nearly 4 years behind in school, my eyes fill with tears and chills crawl over my whole body.

Do you know what it's like to meet a smiling, beautiful child... to talk to them... to see her look you in the eyes, grateful for your attention, eager to please you by showing off her "listening skills." ... Do you know what it's like to see her smile, to see hear inner-beauty, to see how great her personality is, how big her heart is.... and then to asssess her to find out that this 10 year old is reading at a kindergarten level?

Do you know what that feels like?

It feels like giant weight just fell on your whole chest.

Your eyes begin to sting.

You being to feel like you need to protect this child from the broken educaiton system.

You begin to feel hope, anger, responsibility.

You wnat to keep the child happy, and you suddenly understand the urgency and intensity at which you need to start providing instruction.

Bottom line: It BREAKS your heart....

I just am so, so sad for the students. It is not their fault. These students did NOTHING wrong. They're all wonderful kids, with fantastic personalities, great smiles, lovely people.... AND IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT THEY CAN'T READ YET! IT IS SO UNFAIR. IF IS OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM LETTING THE KIDS DOWN AND IT ANGERS ME TO AN UNEXPLAINABLE DEGREE.

As I sat with family after family, going over assessment results, and trying to get them to sign up for a much needed tutoring program, I was deeply, profoundly touched by how much these families care... how desperate they are for academic help.

These families... they are so poor. Our cheepest program is $200 a month. And you know what these families did? Several of them signed up for programs. How? They made phone calls - to their mother, their father, their brother, their cousin, their cousins's boyfriend, etc. And they got little donations until they got enough to make the first month's payment. And they enrolled their kid into our program.

I watch these families go to great lengths to afford this, and I am so touched.

At the same time, I'm secretly thinking "Hey! Google, why don't you just not give your employees free Odwalla and, instead, donate that money to buy programs for these kids to be able to read!" Seriously, though,... I am going to work on more creative funding for these kids.

One mother was crying and hugging me, thanking me for being able to speak Spanish. She said how she so badly wants to help her child, but she didn't know how. She told me aobut how she can't even read hte phone book or flyers because of language barriers. She was so grateful that our company had someone who she could call and ask questions to.

It's just....

These families, these low-income latino families... I just feel such a strong connection with them and so much love towards them. It angers me how judged they are. It angers me what the general public thinks about them, their motivation, their abilities, their motives... It SERIOUSLY PISSES ME OFF how people judge these families. And I feel so badly that their kids are SO SO FAR BEHIND in school. It is not the kids' fault, and, because of that, it literally tears my heart into pieces to realize how far behind these kids are. The worst is, this is common. When I taught 6th grade, at the beginning of the year, the highest reading level in the whole class was an early 3rd grade level. this is just WAY too common... and so many people are sheltered in their high-performing public shcool or private school so they just don't know that there are other schools, other populations who are so depressingly behind in school.

I see how wonderful the kids are.

I see how much the families care.

I see how HELPLESS the families feel.

I see their linguistic and financial barriers.

I hear how other people judge them.

I see how far behind the kids are.

I see how they can catch up.

And...

And my body becomes covered in chills, my eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with hope.

I don't know what I want to do with my life... but I do know I feel an extremely strong connection to and passion towards education and low-income latinos.