I don't have anything to say.
I don't want to talk about food anymore, but I don't really have anything else to write about. I could write about the job I'm applying for, but I don't feel like it. I could write about how my sister might come live with me (and the pros and cons to that), but I don't feel like it. I could write about how I'm not eating well and I'm not sure how I feel about that - but I don't want to write about food. I could write about frozen yogurt store (I do have a couple of stories about funny customers I could tell), but my fingers don't feel like typing. I could write about my former roommate and how she thinks I was "withdrawing" from her the past two weeks (but I thought she was withdrawing from me...)
I just don't feel like writing anything.
I just want to sit on my bed and stare for a bit. My arms are just tired. Sorry - very unenthusastic right now. Basically I'm just tired, apathetic, and confused and sick of thinking.
I feel worn out and defeated - and that sounds all melodramatic but that's how I feel. Yet, I'm not willing to encourage myself back into positive-mode, productive mode, eat well mode... that is the truth. It'll come. just not right now.
I may or may not blog in the next few days, but, if I don't blog, I'll continue to be reading your blogs.
Tomorrow (Sunday) I work at the fro yo store 9:30 - 5pm. (My lunch is already in the refrigerator at the fro yo store. Can't promise to eat it, but at least it's there - or something like that). Then I'm meeting a guy for dinner at 6pm at a super good restaurant! I've never met this guy before; we have a common friend who "hooked us up." I put it in quotes b/c it's not a date - just perhaps a beginning of a friendship.
okay...
bye!
I hope everyone has a good day.
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You don't have to be "on" all the time! We all get to feeling tired or just the blah's. That's part of life. Now for the yelling at you part. So you should stop reading now.... I'm not kidding... your not going to like it so just stop reading now....
ReplyDeleteHmmm, still reading ok then here goes. Eat your lunch is number one. Now for the rest. One sure way to help you come back to happy thoughts is, and you know what I'm going to say, make sure you eat enough to fuel your boday. Now is the perfect time to give up the "evolved" eating. Just follow the meal plan for a couple of day's. See if it make's you feel any different. Now go have some fun, take care of yourself.
Hey David, I don't mind you saying that. I don't take it as "yelling at me." I know you're right. I know that's part of the problem. (or, the entire problem maybe). I'm just really unmotivated to make changes right now - I don't know why. I've been like hyper super mega motivated for 2 and a half years and now.... yeah.... now, very limited motivation. I'm supposed to be giving these reports to J every night that answer the question "Is my brain stuck?" Right now, I feel like probably my brain is stuck otherwise I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing. But I don't care. IT's stuck and oh well. I know that at some point I'll be out of this and I'll look back at the end of July through now and be like "wow. What was my problem? That was horrible." I intellectually know that, yet, still, have no desire to do anything about it.... I'm not myself right now in regards to this. I know I'm missing out on life because of it. So you'd think that'd be enough to change.... I dunno.... at some point it'll become bad enough that i'll be motivated to change. I just don't know when that "some point" is...
ReplyDeleteYeah I know how that is. I was that way for over 10 year's. I just, I can see how much of my life ED took and I don't want to see it happen to others. Yeah, I've done some fun things but I've missed out on alot and I'm starting now to see just what I've been living with for so long. I just don't know how to say "wake up". Reach out and connect with people. Ed stole almost everyone from me. So when I see thing's about your ex-roommate it just makes me want to, well I don't know. I just don't want you to wake up 10 year's from now still with ED isolated and alone. And I don't know how to help you so for now I'll just keep trying the best way I know how to.
ReplyDeleteYeah I thought I "woke up" 2 years ago but maybe not. I don't want to make you feel bad so - while I really appreciate your caring nature - don't feel obligated to "wake me up." Maybe I'll "wake up" tomorrow. I haven't been "asleep" for that long. Maybe 2 weeks?
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, you are not making me feel bad. I'm happy that you are making progress. We can't be perfect, we can try to be but have to remember that there are lot's of little bump's and side street's that we get stuck on sometimes. I'm just learning how to use empathy for others. See your helping me grow as a person. :-)
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, we all have these kinds of days. It's okay. Just hang in there and don't give yourself a hard time. Nobody expects anything of you, ok? :) *hugs*
ReplyDelete