:( Not a ball of energy today :(

Just a short make-no-sense kind of a post... b/c I have to go to work very soon. Maybe I'll post again later in the day.

I went to a wine tasting even that was really fun last night and I do want to write about it. But right now, this is what's on my mind:

I still know that not teaching is the right decision.
But I wish it wasn't the right decision.
I'll miss my students, staff, and school so much.
I feel sad that I don't get to be a part of that team anymore.
I feel guilty and sad.
At the same time, I know it's what I had to do...

But I still feel....

sad.
guilty and sad.
mostly sad.

it's too bad. I wish I wanted to stay there.

My school had a goal to become a CA Distinguished School (only 5% of CA schools are) and I believe we could have met that goal. But, in order to meet that goal you not only have to have all the right people on the bus, but all the right people have to be sitting in the right seat.

I wasn't in the right seat.

:( I'm sorry, students. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry admin and teachers.

I told some of my colleagues yesterday that I wasn't coming back and they said similar things. One person said, "You brought out the friendliness in everyone." Another person said, "Before you came, we were all pessimists and no one socialized in the staff room. You made us all want to be with each other in the staff room." If only there were a job of official Staff Room Cheerleader :)

I'll miss everyone.

I have to do this. I do have to leave. And I'll find something else to attach to and it'll all work out. And I do know that I CAN'T be healthy and in the classroom at the same time. STill, I'm sad. I'm sad that that's the reality :(

I want to not eat today. I want to eat nothing. Zero. Not zero - I'd eat lettuce. lots of lettuce.

AT the same time, I don't want to deal with ending up in the downward spiral/cycle that puts me in.

So I'll eat. I'll eat enough and that's all.

I already ate breakfast so not to worry anyone. I had oatmeal. Flavored oatmeal at that - not regular oatmeal.

I'm kind of sad.
I'm not energetic like I usually am. The guy I was with last night said, "You are a ball of energy!"
Not today I'm not.

I'm not a ball of energy.

But I will go through the motions and open the fro yo store and serve the fro yo in a friendly way.

And I will eat. I promise.

I work from 10am - 3pm
Then I'm coming home and cleaning from 3:30pm - 5pm
Then I'm working from 6pm - 11pm.

Okay.
That's all.
I will eat.
And I will drink liquids.
And I will be sad.
But I'll be friendly too.