Breakfast Blessing

Today's blessing at breakfast was: I have faith that wherever I'm going is important and wonderful.

Isn't that nice?

Doesn't that relax you and make you smile?

I used to overthink everytime before I ate.

Was I hungry enough to eat?

Should I eat?

Would I feel worse without eating?

Lately - including today...

I just eat breakfast

because that's what you do in the mornings.

And afterwards...

you feel...

food in you

full - of course - b/c you just put food and coffee and water all into you

but you didn't gain weight from that

that's not a scary or threatening feeling

that's just an unavoidable part of eating

some people even like that feeling

and i know it goes away

and i know you get used to it

and sometimes I feel like I am used to it - at least getting there.

anyway

the feeling

it doesn't go away by freaking out and not eating the next meal

b/c then you just become hypersensitive to everything in you

it goes away by putting your attention on something else

by continuing on with your day

by continuing to eat and drink and talk and play and work

and so,

breakfast tasted good

and i felt it in me afterwards

of course

and that's acceptable

and now

i sit here

next to Nicole

she's cutting recipes out of a magazine

i'm writing an essay (well, blogging....ha...)

we're outside

at the table

i have a refill of coffee and water

i am purposely not putting attention on my body

because what's the point in that?

i don't want to go there

and so

so

i let myself think a/b what matters

i put my mental energy on what will make me feel good

and productive

and instead of focusing on what will make me be self-critical

i'm thinking a/b how good the wind feels on me

and how good the sun feels on me

and how lucky i am to have this moment

where i'm healthy

and my friend is near me

and i am soaking myself in this feeling

b/c seeking out ways to feel good and then soaking in that good feeling

that's allowed

and so let's do that

shall we?

ps: breakfast was

3/4 cup low-fat cottage cheese + low-fat yogurt mixed

1/2 cup (the rule is 150 cal worth) of cereal

1 banana