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Day off # 2, morning realizations
- I know I'm not supposed to be weighing myself (and I have cut back - to every few days instead of every day), but I did this morning because I'm seeing it like a science experiment. I'm at the program to learn to trust my body, and sometimes I just need "proof" that my body truly was able to handle all of the fullness (an only a 20 min walk) from yesterday. So, I stepped on the scale yesterday and today. After eating all that I ate (After eating everything from the program, I went home and still ate a normalish dinner and evening snack, like I was supposed to... I mean, it was basically after eating the meal plan minus the afternoon snack, which I skipped), my weight dropped one pound. I understand fluctuations, and I'm fully expecting it to go back up a pound tomorrow.... but, still, it's surprising what your body can handle. So this is further proof that fullness is not a sign that you have instantaneously gained 10 pounds.
- Things I'm learning about hunger: I might be hungry if.... - I am mad and irritable; -I am weak; -My head feels confused. (So far, these are hunger signals I have experienced this week. I never took them to be hunger until the dietitian told me that most likely I have lost touch with earlier signs of hunger and I only feel the deeper types of hunger such as these)
- The hard days are what make this worth it. A few extremely hard days at program stand out (the chili day, the lasagna day, this past Friday, this past Saturday)... and it is those days that FELT sooooo WRONG. But, I got through them, and, in doing so, realized WOAH. THIS. IS. POSSIBLE..... It is in getting through those that I gain CONFIDENCE that eating in a new way is possible and PREFERRABLE. It is in getting through those days that I gain CERTAINTY that "giving in" to the treatment center's way of eating more is the RIGHT thing to do.
- I never ever ever want to go back to being afraid of eating.... NEVER.
I find this both inspiring and reassuring to read right now, given that the only thing stopping me from fully embracing variety and fullness/satisfaction, is the fear of what my body can handle. But, as you are proving, we cannot underestimate the wisdom and amazingness of our bodies. They are so clever, and we really ought to listen harder to what they say.
ReplyDeleteAnd the last sentence is wonderful to read, may I add :-)
Sarah x
Good for you! I'm glad you have had these revelations. I think one of mine came a few weeks ago, when I was talking about my card class and how they mess up my meal plan and I said, I wish I could say to them all that "I just want to eat". Of course, as you know with therapists, she jumped on that and made me repeat. She had never heard me say that before. It feels good to feel better. So I'm glad you don't want to go backwards either :-)
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Sarah
Whenever you two both comment, I have to call you by your "blogger names" since you share your real name :)
ReplyDeleteMariposa... yes, our bodies use the food we give it. Try adding it just a little bit more, and you'll see. The best way to learn to trust this is true is to just try it and build up a slew of evidence that, in fact, your body can handle more food without really gaining weight.
Sairs, that's so cool that you just said "I just want to eat." It's a great feeling!