Jane's Rules

Ok, just to be clear..... 1) I am not medically unstable. 2) I do not need to gain weight

Despite that, these are the results of my conversation/dinner with Jane last night:

She thinks I don't quite grasp how serious this slip is. She wants me to stop overthinking and just start eating better. And these are the steps, or interventions, that she is taking + my reaction to them:

1. She is calling my MD today + calling another MD who she knows specializes in EDs to tell them I'm eating too little. Then she wants me to have an appointment with them early next week. She wants them to take my vitals etc. to check if I am medically stable because, as Jane puts it, "You never know, and if you're not, you need to be in the hospital." My reaction to this: This is crazy. I AM DEFINITELY medically stable. I know it. I do know it. This is a HUGE overreaction. At the same time, I understand why Jane suggests this. It's her job to make sure I'm safe. So she has to request that I'm checked out medically. Still, I KNOW FOR SURE that I am fine physically. Also, I KNOW FOR SURE I would not have to go to the hopsital. I am SO SO SO FAR FROM THAT. That would NEVER happen. And, if a doctor did suggest that, I would IMMEDIATELY resume normal eating. So, Jane just called me again this morning to enlighten me to the fact that she is about to call the MD. I'm not stopping her, but I also have no intention of setting up and appointment to go. No intention.

2. Jane wants me to drink 2 - 3 ensures every day ON TOP of food. I was supposed to drink one last night before bed and call her to tell her I drank it. I did not drink it. I took a sip and spit it out. I just don't understand why I have to drink it. Seriously though. There are two purposes to drinking ensure as far as I can tell: 1) Get nutrients you are lacking. 2) Gain weight. In response to the former, my body is not failing. True, I probably do not get all the nutrients I need, but it's not a dire situation. In response to the latter, I don't need to gain weight, so why should I drink the ensure?

3) But, if I don't drink the ensures today + eat 3 meals, then she wants to see me on the weekend. But I don't want to drink the ensures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So this is a dilemma

4. She said we are going to talk on the phone every single day for a week. That's fine with me.

5. She wants me to e-mail her my food diary. That's fine with me.

6. She wants to call my parents asap and have them come up here. I WILL NOT allow this. This is not THAT big of a deal.

7. She is giving me one week, (of talking with her every day), to turn this slip around. She told me I don't even have to go back to being totally normal, I have to go from "seriously slipping" to "a little bit regressed."

8. If, in one week, I do not turn it around, then she's going to recommend I take a "medical leave" from work, see her 3x a week, talk to tracy 2x a week and do some IOP thing on top of all of that.

I'm a little worried here. These are my worries:

1) I won't drink the ensure becuase I do not see the point.

2) What if I don't eat better?

3) What if it doesn't turn around?

4) What if it actually gets to the point of her recommending "medical leave"?

5) What if I don't do it and everyone's mad?

6) What if I don't do it and everyone's sad?

7) Why am I the only person who realizes this isn't THAAAAT big of a deal? yes, I know it's a problem... but it is not at "intervention status."

**I do have extra thoughts about why I am continuing to not turn this around, but I don't feel like writing them right now.

**I feel like everyone needs to chill and just give me some space to think.

**I know I haven't been eating well, but it is not THIS big of a deal. It's REALLY not!