Food and Thinking

TONIGHT.... (read last post for context)

BEFORE EATING:

• eating an absurdly low # of calories is too much.
• I am getting fatter by the second.
• I'm so hungry and I don't know what to do about it.
• Everything I eat will be wrong.
• I will ruin my life by eating something.
• If I eat, it means I will never be allowed to eat again... so, if I'm only gonna get to eat once in my life time, better not use that one time up now.
• Everything will be bad if I eat.
• If I eat, I will feel physically better (less weak, less chest/lung pain) and somehow, feeling physically better is a bad thing.
• I am horrible.
• I get weighed in two days and I BETTER have lost weight1!
• I can't think about anything but food and my own hunger and my body and my calories.
• I try to find a way to organize and re-organize my food in my head so i can justify eating something right now (unsuccessful at this)

AFTER EATING

• oh, hello world.
• I'm still the same size
• I don't even care if I'm not the same size b/c I feel so much better.
• Feels way better to not feel like you're about to die.
• Maybe I should go running, that's how happy I am right now.
• I like myself.
• I am not fat.
• I'm not even super mad at myself.
• I no longer worry that eating one bite will "ruin my day."
• Hmm... Actually I'm still hungry.... maybe I should have more.
• I get weighed in two days and it's fine if I didn't lose weight.
• Wow I can't get over how much better I feel.
• Not anxious anymore.
• Not scared anymore.
• A lot more happy.
• This eating thing really was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
• All the things I thought would happen (I'd be the worse human beign on the planet, I'd gain weight instantly, I'd ruin my day) didn't happen.
• Relief.
• Eating more than X calories is actually allowed. It's ok. I'm ok. I'm a lot happier like this.
• I can think about other things.
• Massive relief. Less fear, anxiety, nerves. Less physical discomfort. Wow this is so much better.

Amazing what some nutrition does to your thoughts.