Today I told 4 people that I'll be going to a treatment center for an eating disorder starting in Mid May-ish. The only reason why I told them was because, well, if I'm going to leave town, I don't want to lie about what I'm doing. Because, when I come back, if I ever want to reference the treatment center, I want to be able to. So, I want people to know that's where I went. I don't want a secret in my life. I don't want it to be something I have to cover up.. I hate having part of your life that you have to keep secret. So I figured to just tell people.
I didn't make a big deal about it. It's not like I talked to these people with this "big news" I had to share. WE were simply talking, filling each other in on our lives. I just said I'd be going to live with my parents. I'd be attending an eating disorder treatment center for at least a month (they have a minimum stay required of a month), I'd be rebooting, and returning.
One of these people recently has started talking to me about the Eating Disorder - but I didn't know if she'd think I'd be being melodramatic about going to a program. Like maybe she thought I was making the ED up. Another person that I told knows all about the eating disorder. The other two people did not know about the ED at all - or so I thought.
I felt embarrassed to tell them. I felt like their reactions would be like, "Really, Laura, are you STILL dealing with this topic?!" Or I thought they'd be like, "Huh? But your'e not skinny..." Because I was afraid of these reactions, I almost kept it a secret. But I didn't want it to be a secret. I didn't want to feel like I had to hide what I was doing all day long...
Instead.... these were their reactions:
PERSON 1 (person who knows as of recently and I currently see on a daily basis) : She choked up. She clasped her hands over her mouth. Then She hugged me. She said she was so happy she couldn't even explain it. She asked me if I was offended at the fact that she was happy. Then she choked up some more as she spoke. She said she felt so relieved to know that I had agreed to go.
PERSON 2: (person who knows and has known for a couple of years): This person had no words, she just cried out of happiness.
PERSON 3 She said, "Oh thank God. Thank God." To which I said, "Wow. I would have expected you to be confused, but thank you for the support." She said, "Confused? Not really. You're the one that's been confused - no offense." Then we both laughed.
PERSON 4 "Really?! Really?! Oh I am soooo glad to hear. This is a very good idea. Very good idea." (What?! She thinks it's a good idea?! But I didn't even think she knew about the eating disorder! How come she wasn't surprised?!)
Oh.
Wow.
Wow.
What support.
I would NEVER have expected those reactions.
I don't have to lie.
People don't think I'm a dramatic freak.
People are glad I'm going.
This makes me feel validated in going.
This makes me feel that much better about my decisions.
I am very grateful for the people in my life.
Well done on being honest with your friends! That is not the easiest thing to do. I think sometimes we underestimate our friends and they react better than we think. I know it's happened to me, when I've been so afraid of how my friends will react to knowing about my issues, yet they haven't been that bad. I'm glad that they have been supportive of you, as good friends should be. And I agree with them, it is step in the right direction that you are going back to treatment. You deserve to get better.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Cassie
I`m so happy you were able to be honest. xo
ReplyDeletethis post makes me so happy, for you - and just to know that people really are good.
ReplyDeleteYour fear was totally unjustified. You seem to have such good friends.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are getting help. Remember you know a lot allready, don't let it screw up your time there. Use it and learn what you need to in order to get the most out of it.
This is fantastic. It never ceases to amaze me how we all underestimate the understanding of others. People can be pretty cool if we give them a chance.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have such great friends :-)
Sarah x
When I told my parents I was finally deciding to seek help and start therapy a couple of years ago, it was the first time I have ever--ever in my entire life--seen my dad cry.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome decision, and the best gift you could give both yourself and the people that care about you. There are many!
I'm so glad that you are surrounded by these supportive friends! I'm so glad you're getting help lovely.
ReplyDeletexxx
good for you for making such tough, but excellent decisions for yourself.
ReplyDeletei'm so glad your friends are so supportive.
good luck!!!!1
Well done, this is an awesome achievement. It's so hard though to do as you have no idea how people would react. I had to admit to my employment agency that I was on lithium this morning. That was so hard and I was so scared that they were going to tell me that I no longer had a job. This was after I ran away from work without telling anyone and no one knew where I was yesterday. Glad you could tell people about the treatment centre and that they were okay :-)
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Sarah
I'm glad you've made this decision :)
ReplyDeleteProud of you <3
ReplyDeleteAre you doing IP or IOP?