Food Freak Out Dream

Well, I had a scary dream last night (haha - I'm laughing because of what constitutes scary here). I woke up all distressed and didn't know what to do because of what had happened!

I dreampt that I woke up and ate a cinnamon raisin bagel with PB for breakfast. Then, later in the morning, I started eating a pop tart. Half way through eating the pop tart, I realized that I was holding two pop tarts (they were stacked and I didn't realize it - so I was taking a bite out of two at once every time I took a bite). So then I started to think, "Oh my gosh what am I doing?! I'm eating pop tarts and I already ate a bagel with peanut butter!" And I started to freak out. What do I do? Do I have to feel fat now? Am I supposed to still eat dinner? lunch? Do I run today? But today is a scheduled rest day so I can't run! ..... Somehow, I stopped freaking out magically (it's a dream; things happen without explanation) and it was afternoon time now. Someone came and handed me a bowl of cereal (one of my favorite foods ever but never ever ever let myself eat it because I'm too afraid I'll eat the whole box in one sitting). So I sat there watching T.V. (I don't even have T.V. in real life) and, without thinking, I started to eat the cereal in a totally normal, casual way. About 1/2 way through the cereal, I froze and thought, "Wow! What am I doing?! Just eating cereal like this!" And then I remembered about the poptarts and the bagel with PB and I went back to freak out mode. Then I woke up and I immediately knew I wasn't allowed to eat today because I had already eaten cereal, poptarts, and a bagel with PB. And I started to think, "What do I do? How do I get back to feeling good and on track and normal? I have to really restrict today but that's going to disappoint so many people including myself." I was so mad at myself. I didn't feel like having to not eat all day long. I didn't feel like being "off" all day. I was so mad that I made a food mistake. And that's when I remembered..... it was a dream! Ah. Relaxed.


However, I did realize that I ate about 3/4 cup black beans in my sleep last night. Sleep eating doesn't really scare me right now b/c there's nothing in my house that is sleep eat-able (besides the black beans that were in tupperware). I had 0% chance of stopping that sleep eating. I didn't even remember it happened until the morning. I hadn't slept eaten in over a week. I think this happened because of my food yesterday. I didn't eat enough for how much I ran I guess - even though I ate 3 meals. Actually, I mean, I know that it's true I didn't eat enough. I probably ate enough for someone who sat still the entire day - but I didn't. I ran for a while and I worked at the fro yo store (which involves lots of pacing). I think if I suuuuper restrict, I don't sleep eat becuase my mind doesn't even consider sleep eating as an option. But if I eat better, but I don't get enough food, I do sleep eat because my mindset is in a place where it does consider eating when I'm hungry. And, in my sleep, I can't override it. That's my theory anyway.

I work at the fro yo store all day today. I'll check in with you all later!