A decision - a short post

A decision has been reached.

I will not teach next year.

Here's why:

1. It is clear to me that I hate teaching and do not want to do it for the rest of my life.
2. IT is definitely not my passion nor does it utilize my strengths well.
3. It is hard to switch careers while teaching b/c once you start a school year, you're committed and cannot apply for jobs that get posted (because you can't just just leave teaching and go to another job in the middle of the year). Teaching is very limiting when it comes to career change.
4. I do not think I will be able to be healthy and teach at the same time.
5. Something in me just KNOWS that it is the right decision to not teach. I do not think I'm acting on an emotional impuls b/c this "something" in me has been there for quite a while.
6. It's okay to do something because it's "right for me" even if it disappoints others. Ultimately, what is right for me is right for the students and the school.
7. I know what I am passionate about and I can spend this time exploring that.
8. I was worried people would think poorly of me but so far no one has told me that. And, anyway, I can't make this decision b/c of how other people might perceive me. I can't live life like that. I'm not planning on just frolicking on hills and climbing trees. I'm not a bad person. I'm well intentioned and just need some transition time. IF peple judge me, those are not very nice people.

A very wise person (Hi, Blu) once advised me to separate the decision to teach or not from other tings. Step 1: do I want to teach or not? Then - and only then - deal with it. SImilarly, my dad gave me the advice to "Make the right decision, then make the decision right so that it works." If I go off of that advice, then I definitely should not teach.

So, how will this decision work (Step 2):
1. I have enough money to get me through a few months (but that's it).
2. I am fortunate enough to be in a position where if my parents have to help me with rent for a few months, they can do that. I have had an open and frank discussion with them about this and they support the decision to not teach even if it means throwing me a few hundered dollars at some point. I would just go home so they don't have to potentially help with rent but my family currently has no "home." Every single one of us are in transition right now. My parents are likely going to move next month or in January but they don't know where they are going.
3. My sister (age 16) desparately wants to live with me and attend school up here. I would be fine with that. My parents are looking into it. That would help her situation a lot too (details not needed).
4. I will spend August/September applying for a whole bunch of jobs and utilizing all connections/networking possible. If I do not get a job (highly possible) then I will work as many hours as possible at whatever other kind of job I can get and see what happens. By this time, it is possible that my family will have moved near me actually....
5. I can't be sure of what will happen this year, but I have to be okay with that and do what I can to make it work out.
6) I may have to break my lease. If it comes to that then it comes to that, but I'll deal with that then.
7) I will also be applying to grad school (in social work - not to be a social worker. an MSW is a pretty broad degree you can do lots of things with)

now I just have to tell my principal. I'll tell him that:
1) I'm sorry I didn't tell him earlier but I told him within 24 hrs of making the decision. I didn't foresee this happening.
2) I have to do what is right for me (not teaching) and, ultimately that is what is right for the school.
3) Working under him and with his staff has been the best possible environment to be in and I feel so fortunate to be part of that team. I wish I could continue to be part of it but it's not hte right choice for me.
4) I have an idea of someone you can hire to replace me. I just found out that my students scored higher than the state average (not that the state average is that high, but they started out way below that. Average reading level in my 6th grade class last year was a high 2nd grade reading level/low 3rd grade level. For them to score above average is something they should be proud of). The woman I'm thinking of who shoudl be hired to replace me has data showing that she has increased student scores by more than 100%. He should feel very comfortable hiring her.


I feel good about this decision.

I feel relief.

I feel whole.

I just met a friend who teaches in my same district with me for lunch. She and I spend a fair amount of time together each week during the school year (even though she's not at my school). The first thing she said to me was, "Oh my gosh you look great. You look so relaxed - like you've stopped carrying around a huge weight on your shoulders." Um, yeah, that basically describes the feeling.


(Now, as a result of not sleeping in order to make this decision, I feel so tired that I feel sick.... but alas... off to work at the fro yo shop. No complaining though....)

I bet one day I'll look back and know I made the right decision. It'll be a rocky, rough, unsure transition but it'll all work out in the end. I somehow just know it.