Chicken Burger

I went to bed last night so anxious and woke up this morning feeling that way too. I wanted to run so badly. This would have been a perfect time to go on a long run, but I couldn't :( I was just feeling stressed out by a whole bunch of things: teaching next year, GRE studying, grad school applying, moving apartments, teaching credential things,.... the list goes on. Interestingly, I had a desire to calorie count and I started thinking about how fat I am. It's probably not a coincidence that I start bashing myself for my weight and wanting to calorie count just as I'm also feeling overwhelmed in other areas.

Feeling better now though.

I exercised today (as prescribed by the doctor) by doing 10 min on the elliptical, 10 min on the stationary bike (with the seat as high as possible - also his orders), and 10 min walking on the treadmill. Okay, um, pretty sure that 10 min on the elliptical is harder for me than running 12 miles - I'm not even kidding. Then I did some weights. Anyway, I missed running, but I'll deal.

At one point today while I was walking around, I decided I'd run (just as far as my car), but when I ran I limped. I swear not running is making it worse. What's up with that?! I guess I have to seriously stop "testing it," which is exactly what the doctor said not to do.

I started moving today. I moved my bathroom to my new apartment (except for the essentials that I still need in this apartment). Oh, this is probably confusing - I have two apartments for the months of July because the leases overlap. Luckily, my new apartment has 1st month's rent free so I don't have to pay double rent. This moving stuff is making me feel nervous - I just want it to be done and I want to be settled. And all these questions - how am I going to move my bed? my couch? table? etc. etc. etc. So I sort of made a plan for how all this moving is going to happen - like what I'm going to move when. I'm going to spend the rest of tonight moving stuff from my front hall closet and kitchen I think.

I did the following awesome things today :)

1) I painted pottery with my roommate and my other friend. I find painting pottery to be one of the most relaxing things ever. My roommate and I have an addiction; we go pretty much every week. We know all the workers and, upon leaving, they always say, "See you next week!" This is not a cheap hobby unfortunately.

2) I ate something that I never would have eaten at a restaurant with my roommate. I went to a restaurant called THE COUNTER, which is a build-your-own-burger type of restaurant. It's not greasy and weird though; they pride themselves in getting all ingredients locally, they use trans-fat-free products, they use meat raised without hormones or antibiotics, ... things like that. Anyway, I was STARVING. Like, past hungry. Normally, a place like this would be hellish for me because of all the decisions you have to make and because I wouldn't know how to count calories perfectly. It would have really stressed me out.

The way THE COUNTER works is: You build your burger by picking your type of bun, then your type of meat (turkey, chicken, beef, vegan), then the size of meat (1/3 pound, 1/2 pound, 1 pound), then your type of cheese, then 4 toppings, then your type of sauce, etc. Normally, I would have only ordered things that I KNEW were low in calories and then still freaked because I couldn't tell exactly how many calories were in everything and then just nervous picked at my food and felt "off" for the rest of the night and probably tomorrow too. But guess what I used to guide my ordering this time? I USED MY TASTE BUDS AND MY BODY! I tried to really think it through. I kept asking myself What do I feel like eating? What sounds good? What would be the most satisfying right now? In the end, I ate a 1/3 pound chicken burger on a honey whole wheat bun with lettuce, carrot strings, grilled onions, and peanut sauce. It was very satisfying. I ate it slowly so that I could tell when I was full enough to stop eating. I ate the whole thing though! I think it was the right amount actually. I was hungry for that much. I didn't feel uncomfortably full afterwards. I know I wouldn't have been satisfied if I had only eaten half.

When I placed my order, my roommate looked at me and said, "Dude, I am seriously proud of you right now! I think if we were home, I'd be screaming and clapping my hands!" I responded by saying, "I know, I told you things were changing, right?" And she said, "Yeah, um, normally, you would have gotten all nervous and then not even eaten. You would have sat there and sipped your diet coke while I ate!" (For the record: she ate a burger with cheese on a white bun and fries. She is the world's best intuitive eater in the world. And her weight is a totally natural and healthy and trim weight). After we ate, she was like "Wow! You were even able to talk to me while we ate at a restaurant too! Can we call your nutritionist and tell her that this just happened?!" Her positive feedback made me feel happy and not nervous.

3) I didn't let myself fall into strange eating just because I was feeling fat and bad about life when I woke up. I knew that the only effective, reasonable, evolved way to handle feeling like this is to - talk nicely to myself, -stop procrastinating and start getting things that are stressing me out done, and -continue to eat what my body wants when I'm hungry without overeating. I think I was successful at doing that.

Alrighty, my roommate and I are off to continue packing and cleaning...

Peace to you all!