Life's good parts

___Speechless___

Thank you, EVERYONE for your comments! You have no idea how they kept me going. When I had a moment of doubt about if I did the right thing or not by throwing the scale in the dumpster, I would remember your comments and felt so..... cheered on! Thank you!

Thank you for telling me it was the right thing to do, for understanding, for not judging, for listening, and for guiding.

I haven't been on blogger nearly as much lately because I simply haven't felt like going on. I've been being more social. So, at times that I used to just be by myself on my computer, I am now with peers (everyone always makes fun of me for using the word "peers" instead of "friends." I don't know why "peers" comes more naturally to me... especially because my friends span decades of ages.) Then, when I get home at night, I ask myself, I find myself looking forward to getting into bed with a book more often than I find myself wanting to open the computer. I am committed to blogging, I just am blogging every other day vs. every day.

I've had a really nice last couple of days, and I'd like to share some highlights with you:

CUTEST FOUR YEAR OLD EVER

It's pretty obvious to anyone who reads this blog that, although I tutor a bunch of different kids, this one 4-year old in particular is probably my favorite. Well, on Saturday, I was in the tutoring center, and the four year old arrived. He was early, so I wasn't yet by the door waiting for him. I was turned with my back towards the door, setting some things up at a table. Suddenly I felt KABOOM... some body slamming into the back of my legs and grabbing me in the front of my knees. I turned around, instantly broke into the hugest smile, excitedly greeted him, gave him a hug, and he said, "Hi, Laura!" (Melting heart....) Then he started jumping up and down, flailing his arms, excited to learn. I grabbed him under his arms, flew him into the air, and sat him in his seat as we proceeded to work on phoneme segmentation, vocabulary, and spelling. Absolutely made my day; adorable!

TRAINING OTHER TUTORS

I have become a tutor trainer. So, every month, when there are newly hired tutors in the Bay Area, I train them via 6 sessions. These sessions generally last about 5 hours. Anyway, after tutoring the 4 year old, I led a training session. 1) I love coaching adults on educational instruction methods; 2) I like the trainees. Yeah, so, just had a great time doing that.

RECONNECTING WITH FRIENDS

I have 2 high school friends who live in the area. One has been here for the last two years, but I thought I was too fat to hang out with anyone so I never hung out with her. The other just moved her recently to attend Stanford Law School. Anyway, I initiated socializing (again! I know!) We met in San Francisco for dinner at this unique restaurant. This restaurant kind of makes me feel like I just went to a spa :) It is a raw, vegan food restaurant. The majority of their food comes from a local farm, which the restaurant owns. Every menu item is an affirmation. So, coffee is not called "coffee;" it's called "I am courageous." So, when you order you say, "I am courageous." Then, when they bring you the coffee, they say, "You are courageous." And you just feel so freakin' good about yourself! Lol! You want to just keep ordering so they can keep telling you things! There is also always a question of the day that the server asks you, and the walls are plastered with quotes having to do with gratitude. The ideas is to shift your focus away from what your life is lacking and towards what your life has... towards abundance. Anyway, I was with my friends from high school, who I haven't seen since high school... and we stayed at the restaurant for hours catching up. It was soooooooo lovely!

Nicole

Nicole is my best friend in the area. 2 years ago, we carpooled everywhere and were literally together 5am - 10pm. EVERYDAY. If someone invited me somewhere, people would assume that Nicole would come and visa versa. Last year, we lived together. I couldn't ask for a better friend/roommate. We are totally comfortable with each other. Really, I am "home" when I'm next to her. Every guard is down - even the ones I didn't know I had up. I am 100% myself 100% of the time. She knows everything about me, and I know everything about her. She calls me "Hip" and I call her the same because we are "attached at the hip." I think she is one of the best human beings in this universe. In my eyes, she can do no wrong. We used to joke with each other that, if we were lesbians, we'd be done searching for love. But, alas, that is not the case... I am absolutely certain that, without her, I would have just totally crumpled and died these past few years. She'd probably say the same about me. We held each other's heads above water (Nicole was a teacher too)

Last summer, Nicole suggested we live on our own. She said it wasn't personal, and I believed her. I was sad to move away from her, but I also understood. We had reached a point where we were both so beaten down by life that, being around each other constantly, was just keeping us stuck in depressive negativity. Also, she wanted to prove herself as an independent woman. She wanted to prove to herself that she could live on her own. Also, she dealt head on with my eating disorder, and it really affected her. She would cry on a regular basis, begging me to eat breakfast before we both left for school. She would ask me to report in every night to tell her if I ate all my meals. This was fine when I did, but on days that I didn't, it would seriously depress and upset her and we'd end up in this 3 hour long conversation where I tried to convince her it was okay, I was okay, she doesn't need to cry. And she'd say things like, "I feel like I am the only one fighting this disease! I'm fighting it for the two of us!" She was on my case about following the meal plan. She always wanted to know what Tracy's new goals were, and she made it her job to make sure I followed them. If I ever refused to drink water because my meal plan got increased and I couldn't stand the feeling of fullness, she would just keep putting glasses of water in front of me and urge me to take a sip. If I was upset about food, I would retreat into my room and cry in my bed. She'd come in and rub my back and wait for the discomfort to pass. I mean, wow. what a friend. I never even thought I was "that bad" over the last couple of years... but, looking back, I can't believe what I put her through. If I ever said something like "trouble with eating" instead of "eating disorder" she would say "mmhmm, you mean anorexia. That's what this is. I hate this disease." She was never in denial; I was. It all eventually affected her harder than it ever affected me I think. She might have needed a break from living with an eating disordered roommate.

All in all, perhaps it was for both of our good that we deided to live alone this year. We were so dependent on each other. In separating, we have also expanded out networks of friends and people we know in the area.

Anyway, we remained friends throughout all of this. There was never any hurt feelings or fighting or anything. We never fight because we are A+ communicators with each other.

But we haven't seen much of each other this past fall and winter. Our schedules do not match up at all! Lately, we've realized that, because of our conflicting schedules, we have to plan times to see each other. So, every Sunday morning, we've been meeting at starbucks at 7am for a 3 hour chat before I have to go work at the fro yo store and she has to go to school (she stayed teaching a 3rd year, but she hates it too. It is such a hard profession - no one knows.) So, I met Nicole at 7am this morning, and that was wonderful. Then, after my shift, I went and sat with her while she got a manicure and pedicure, then we met our other teacher friend for dinner. We carpooled just like old times and it was just lovely.

I miss seeing her, and I loved my day with her today. I feel confident that she feels the same way because she tells me so. And I know that, now that I scaled back at the fro yo store, our schedules will mesh better, and we'll get to see a lot more of each other :) People tell us all the time that we act like we're married. I've never been married, but I think that might be true.

Now it's off to read and sleep. Tomorrow I talk to Tracy, need to follow up on a job, and apply to two others. I tutor in the afternoon and evening, and, at night, I'm talking with a guy who used to be in educational consulting. I'm going to pick his brain to see if, perhaps, it'd be something I'm interested in. I might try to run tomorrow. I've taken a decent amount of time off....

Stay calm.

Stay loving (towards yourself too)

And smile today!