Breaking Down the Phases

As I explained the phases to Tracy today, she said that Phase C is so huge and complex. These phases turn into a cycle because people retreat from the discomfort that comes with Phase C by entering into Phase A and starting the whole process over again. If we can handle Phase C, and get through it all the way to the finish, we get out of the cycle. So, to make it less overwhelming, and easier to handle, she suggested that I break down Phase C into sub phases, or steps.

PHASE A:

• aiming for the hungry, hallow feeling. Usually this serves to help you feel good about yourself.
• weight loss behaviors and mindsets
• characterized by a general decision to "be healthier" or "be more careful about what ou eat."

The goal is always to just stay permanently in Phase A. It is the continual hope. People can elongate Phase A by isolating themselves from others, by lying about their behaviors and thoughts, by going into denial, by not keeping any food in your apartment. However, ultimately, it truly is impossible to stay in Phase A always. It will not last. You might think it will last because it's been lasting for weeks (or months), but it will not last ultimately. The first time I was in Phase A, I'd say it lasted for 2 years. I protected it by lying to friend and, ultimately, losing those friends. I protected it by arranging my schedule so that I never had to deal with food. It might have lasted for two years, but it didn't last ultimately - and it never will.

Phase A makes you fee good about yourself.

You like Phase A.

You can't risk letting it slip away.

So, you take action to make sure Phase A stays.

In taking action, in trying to control Phase A, you enter Phase B.

PHASE B:

• stricter food rules (ex: "Now that I ate vegetable soup once for lunch, I can never eat anything more caloric again for lunch. New rule: eat caloric equivalent of vegetable soup every day for lunch)
• Food rules are so extreme that, inevitably, your human body rebels.
• You break the food rule (i.e, you ate out of accordance with your rules)
• You feel guilt, self-hate
• You question your ability to "Stay in control"
• To make sure you stay in control, and to punish yourself for breaking your rules, you make new compensatory rules (ex: "Since I ate more than I was supposed to at the last meal, I have to skip the next meal entirely) or (ex: Since I ate more than I was supposed to yesterday, it is SUPER important that today, I only eat [insert stricter food rules])
• Your compensatory rules are so extreme, that they, too, cannot be maintained
• You break your rule again
• Even more amounts of guilt and self-hate accompany rule-breakage this time.
• You feel like a failure because you "can't stay in control."
• You must punish yourself by compensating.
• You make even stricter compensatory food rules
• You break these rules again because they are just getting more and more extreme
• You end up in a cycle of strict food rule-->break rule-->guilt-->compensate-->new food rule-->break it-->guilt-->compensate.
• Bottom line: You feel like you're in a tornado. Totally out of control.

Eventually, you can't stand this out-of-control feeling, so you will do anything to put an end to this. I was basically in year-long Phase B before I ever called Tracy. To stop the tornado-like feeling that accompanies phase B, you enter Phase C.

PHASE C:

Phase C is basically a decision to "get better." Phase C is complex and so, it is easier to get through if you are guided with motivations, tips, and sub-phases.

MOTIVATIONS FOR GETTING THROUGH PHASE C:

• You don't want to end up in Phase B again. And fully getting through Phase C is the only way that you avoid Phase B again. If you don't get through Phase C, the cycle starts again.
• You don't want to be the only one in a room of people who has part of their brain focused on their hunger level, their body size, their past and future food intake.
• The only way out of the hole is through Phase C. You can't get out of Phase B by going back to Phase A, because Phase A is never lasting.

TIPS FOR GETTING THROUGH PHASE C (Things to remember)

• People do not get fat by eating normal meals.
• Eating normally is not saying "pig out."
• You cannot and should not freeze your body. Your body is a flexible thing. It feels full, then it digests, then it gets hungry again. Any new physical experience (like fullness) is not permanent. Later, in time for the next meal, you will feel hungry.
• Eating normal portions of food regularly is good for your metabolism, and it is good weight management.
• Eating normal portions of food regularly is a good way to take care of yourself.
• Eating disordered logic that you will be thinking during Phase C (like fullness is bad, eating food makes me fat) is incorrect.
• If you try to avoid Phase C, you end up just going down the hole further. And there is no backdoor out of the hole. It is a cul-de-sac.

PHASE C - BROKEN DOWN BY SUB-PHASES

1) Go get food that appears normal.

2) The lure of being in Phase A again makes you consider eating something different. You consider eating a Phase A type food.

3) Remind yourself....

a) that Phase A is not permanent so you should not aim to go to Phase A.

b) that phase B inevitably follows phase A and Phase B is a million times worse than Phase C

c) The reasons you are avoiding Phase C are based on false reasoning (Phase C will not make you unspecial, worthless, or fat)

4) Eat the normal food.

5) Feel the fullness and start to worry that you've "ruined everything" and feel a strong urge to compensate to "erase" this food and then, once your slate is clean, start over in Phase A.

6) Remind yourself....

a) Your body is a flexible thing. It is not supposed to be in a constant state of hunger. It should feel hungry, neutral, and full.

b) Your body feels food now, but that uncomfortable feeling is not permamant. It will digest and then you will feel hungry again.

c) There is nothing logical or rational about being attached to a feeling of hunger. There's no reason to seek after it.

d) People who are normal weights (and look good at that weight) eat food and feel full several times a day. Feeling full does not mean you just did something wrong and got fat.

e) Once you get used to eating again, you won't feel like this.

f) You are part of a large group of people all working hard to make the same healthy decisions you are trying to make. Together, you can make the healthy decisions. You know that it's the right decision for them. So it's the right decision for you too.

6) Next meal, get food, eat it, repeat above cycle.

7) THEN THE PAYOFFS ARRIVE: It starts to become easier, more normal.

8) You love Phase C. You feel great! Eating is fun! Eating tastes good! You don't mind feeling food in you! You trust that your body will feel full, then digest, then feel hungry again. You know you're not doing anything wrong. You feel comfortable in your body - kind of. (but watch out... because Sub-phase 9 is coming)

9) These good feelings of Phase C start to freak you about a bit. You start to wonder.... Is it okay that I'm feeling good? Am I really allowed to feel okay about myself and my body? Maybe I'm just making this all up. Maybe I'm doing something wrong without realizing it....

10) You consider going back to Phase A so that you can have a concrete reason (hunger) to know that it's okay to feel good.

11) You start to feel stunned that you're being tempted by Phase A again. You thought you were past this...

12) You have to remind yourself of the following things:

• You don't need a reason to feel good. You can just feel good because your alive. You are allowed to feel good when you're full, neutral, and hungry.
• You are allowed to feel good about yourself and your body.
• It makes no sense to have hunger levels be your reason for feeling good about yourself and your body.
• You are not getting fat without realizing it. You are not wearing too-big clothing sizes.
• You are supposed to be "normal looking." You do not need to be "borderline underweight."
• You are a normal person and that is just fine.
• You are special for reasons apart from your body and hunger levels.
• If you choose to go into Phase A, it will not last. You will end up in Phase B.
• Phase B is a million times worse than Phase C.
• Might as well stay in Phase C even if part of you is unsure that it's okay to be in phase C.
• The only reasons you're wondering if it's okay to be in Phase C is because your'e not used to it.

13) Go get normal looking food, eat it.

14) Expect yourself to boomerang through these various sub-phases. Revert back to any of the sub-phases where you remind yourself why Phase C is right however often you need to in order to keep yourself from going into Phase A again.

(If you do go back to Phase A, just jump straight back into Phase C. Don't wait until you have to go through Phase B again)