Excuse the whining. I am fully aware things could be worse. I could be paralyzed. I could have a terminal illness. I could have a limb amputated. I could be blind or deaf. I could not have access to Jane, Tracy, my family, my friends. I could not have a computer and be unable to blog. My car could have broken down. There could have been a big earthquake (well, there was an earth quake last week actually, but it was only 4.1). I could have no cell phone and, as a result, have no way to communicate with anyone. I could not know how to read.
I know all those things are worse....
And even so...
I am still majorly bummed out.
It had been 4 weeks since I have run. 4 weeks! Anyone who reads this blog knows I love to run. But I was good and I took 4 weeks off!
I laced up my shoes, got on my running clothes... and almost hyperventilated out of excitement~!
I started jogging (slowly... to warm up)... and it felt great. I noticed that silly, but very genuine, huge grin on my face as I was running. YES! I WAS SOOOO HAPPY AND ALIVE.
About 3 minutes into the run, I felt my knee in the same place as before start to hurt, but I ignored it. It was just a dull ache - nothing sharp.
But by about 5 - 7 minutes in, it hurt.
It wasn't making me limp like before. It wasn't making my leg buckle like before. But it still did not feel right. At all. It feels very wrong. I could pinpoint, in a diagram, exactly where it hurts if I had to. In fact, I just looked at a diagram and, although the pain tends to spread up and down my leg, the "center" of the pain is in the Lateral Patellar Rerinaculum. I have no idea if that is a tendon or a ligament or what... but that's where it is according to the diagrams I can find on the internet. There is a second place it hurts (behind my knee, where my knee is connected to my lower leg and kind of on the side of my knee more so than in the middle....), but I can't find a diagram online that shows me what that part is called.
I finished 1 mile anyway because.... just because.
But I am so annoyed. I wanted to just run and run and run and run and run and run and run....
Why can't I?
I want to stamp my feet like a toddler.
Seriously! I wish I knew what was wrong so that I could know how to fix it.
I complained to my mom, who responded by saying, "It's lunchtime, Laura. You're probably just in a grumpy mood because you need food. You're starting to get all irrational and wacko like you do when you're too hungry. Why don't you go eat. You'll feel better after you eat."
Yes, I am hungry. (Yes, I'll eat lunch)
No, that is not the reason why I am annoyed.
I just want to run.............
When can I run non stop again?
I just want to run.
I am being immature, I know. Get over it, suck it up, don't whine, don't overreact, turn that frown upside down.... I know, I know....
I know the bright side:
1) At least I got a mile in.
2) At least it didn't make me limp
3) At least I won't be extra hungry now
4) At least I am not paralyzed
5) Yes, I can count all my other blessings and be grateful for them (I'm just being a spoiled brat right now)
I guess it just bothers me because:
1) I don't know what's wrong
anda
2) I have no plan as to how to fix it.
Maybe if I had a plan as to how to be able to run again, I'd feel better... but I don't have that plan.
I would choose to run even if I knew running would make me gain 5 pounds. Honestly, I think I've actually lost a bit of weight since stopping running and my pants are even getting bigger on me - AND.... I AM NOT LYING WHEN I SAY I WOULD TAKE TIGHT PANTS IN EXCHANGE FOR RUNNING. I think I really would.
Sorry for the complaining. I'm about to go tutor for 5 hours. That'll cheer me up.
i guess i wasn't following -- have you seen a doctor for your knee?
ReplyDeletehope tutoring did cheer you up
Your not whinning. Your in pain when you try and do something and you don't know why. THAT SUCKS!! Your allowed to whine. What makes this so much better than the worst thing you can think of? Your allowed to whine! Nothing say's that your not allowed whine unless your in an accident with limbs lopped off and an astroid headed right at your car with no way to get out of the way.
ReplyDeleteI started working out and guess what? My side still friggen hurts! Almost 2 months of not working out at all and it still hurts. I'm whinning like you wouldn't believe. It's allowed. Sure life is not in the crapper but I'm not able to do something that I want to do. I whine. You should whine and then see if you can find a doc that can help you.
Good luck. Oh and I'm still cracking up over the hair. It's like the old electrical chargers they had at the science museum where your hair all stood up. I love it!
I'm sorry, that sounds like it really sucks! Will it get better in time? Can you do physical therapy? Do you need surgery? I don't know much about sports medicine.
ReplyDeletePsychiatric medicine is about the scope of my expertise ;).
So sorry about the running. I've had to stop some of the activities I used to love after having a bunch of knee surgeries, so I can understand where you're coming from. There's no way around it...it sucks!
ReplyDeleteI have dealt with these feelings with my running too, and currently with my wrist keeping me from taking up rock climbing again....it SUCKS when your body does not cooperate with you. But some injuries can take a ridiculously long time to heal, and it will only become more ridiculous if you push it. Remind me again, have you had X-rays? Where exactly does it hurt in your knee? I am really sorry, but hang in there. I have REALLY admired how patient and responsible you've been with taking time off to let it heal up, hopefully you'll be back in action soon. <3
ReplyDeletei totally understand where you are coming from. exercise helps to ease alot of my anxiety, gives me energy, and an overall better attitude. But my knees and legs are shot and i experience so much pain just going up and down steps. It drives me crazy! But it just sows you how valuable your body is and how important it is to listen to it and treat it with respect. Hang in there, you will get there soon!
ReplyDeleteOh hun :( I'm sorry the run didn't work out well. Last year (no actually the year before now :S) I was walking (a lot) and damaged my MCL in my knee (well I actually tore fibres on the ligament) and I kept walking... and against the advice of my physio, I kept walking... and I would wonder if I would need to call and ambulance and I'd keep walking....
ReplyDeleteIn the end I did restrict my exercise a lot and the physio gave me some alternatives and with lots of physio for about a month, it got a lot better. It will STILL give me trouble though if I walk too much or don't walk with a good gait... but I think its because I push my body too hard :(.
Anyway, I completely understand the wanting to run (walk in my case) and not being able to, I sympathise entirely.
I was wondering if you knew of a good sports physio (and could afford them). I know that the physio I went to was fantastic and gave me a set of good exercises which he would adapt each time due to how the injury was repairing. It was totally worth it.
Keep us updated, thinking of you
*hugs*
xoxo
Thanks for taking the time to read my entire blog. I'm impressed!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand this post. I miss running like crazy, too. Nothing else compares to running. Nothing.
Can you get your knee checked out? I hope you can run again soon.
Im so sorry to hear that the run didnt work out. I know how excited you were to get the adrenaline pumping and get that happy runners high!
ReplyDeleteI suppose the best thing would be to relax the knee for a little while or go to a doctor so that it can fully heal rather than exacerbate the problem.
Ill be thinking of you and your knee!
Thanks, Alex! :)
ReplyDelete