I did not fall asleep yesterday until 4:45am. This is really frustrating me because it makes me lose my mornings and then I do nothing productive all day and I start to get stressed out about all the things I need to do that I'm not doing. Maybe I should fill the Zoloft prescription and start taking it.... He did prescribe Zoloft, after all, because of it's sedating effect.
I also ate this rice/blackbean/chickpea/spices mixture thing that I had made but not eaten yesterday at 3am. I don't even know why I ate it. I don't think I was hungry. I just kind of ate it without thinking. Doing things like that does not make me feel good. Seriously, I think I have Night Eating Syndrome.... on the nights that I eat I seriously eat like 1/2 of my total calories. I don't know what it's caused from. Tracy says restriction. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe it's partially caused from that. Yesterday I didn't really eat much at all before dinner (mostly because I couldn't figure out WHAT to eat), so maybe that would make sense.... but I don't think so because I ended up eating enough before bed time and I wasn't hungry before eating the rice/blackbean/chickpea/spices mix thing. If it were hunger, though... if it were my body driving me to fill it's needs... then that means that yesterday it drove me to eat approximately 2,000 calories (and I had run about 3 miles and done strength things for about 30 - 40 min). Would that be right? Would a body require that amount?
I need to run 3 miles today (I am following a training guide for a marathon that will take place in February - I may turn this into a half marathon if I get injured - or even a 10K. I'm open and flexible about it), but I don't have time to run right now because I have to go to work at the fro yo store. I wasn't going to have to work until 4:30 but the girl working there now wants to leave so she asked me. I guess I'll have to run at 11:30 when I get home from the fro yo store? Maybe if I run at 11:30 and come home, take a shower, lie in bed with a book, I'll be more apt to fall asleep. (I'd be running inside on a treadmill - not outside in the dark). I can give it a try at least tonight.
When I lose my mornings I feel off. Eating normally becomes hard. And I feel super lazy.
I feel so good when I get up, get dressed, and get going right away. Maybe I should try to never take my computer out at night. Ok, I'm going to try that.
I'm not being hard on myself. I'm not hating myself for not being productive enough... but I just WANT to be more productive, more with it. Which means I need to wake up earlier and DO thigns. I need to start making more lists or daily agendas so that I can structure my time better.
sorry for the annonying-ness of this post but this is what I'm thinking right now.
okay, time to:
1)pack food (dinner and snacks) for for yo store
2) change into fro yo store clothes
at fro yo store, in my down time I will:
1) make daily agenda for tomorrow
2) prep for 2 interviews i have on Monday
3) ask this guy if he can be a reference for me
4) study for GREs (vocab flash cards) + a few pages in the book
5) Call a student back
When I get home from fro yo store I will:
1) run 3 miles (if I am tired though I will forgo the running, capitalize on the sleepiness, and go to bed)
2) shower
3) leave computer closed
4) get in bed with book (I have been reading the goodbye ed, hello me book and I don't like it. Weird, huh? I'm supposed to think it's amazing but I kind of read it and think "yeah, I know" or I read it and think "this is boring")
Maybe having made a daily agenda for tomorrow will make me sleep better tonight? Because I'll be calm knowing that I know how to organize my time?
I really need to organize my time better.
and I need to sleep more normally.
i think the bottom line is i'm afraid i'm ...
1) not being my best
2) not doing my best
3) failing at grad school applying
4) failing at gre studying
5) not being good enough
6) not doing good enough
7) not achieving anything
all that sort of stuff.
if i think more reasonably i can admit that i do want to feel more productive in job/grad school/gre front. so i can try to be more productive. that's why i need a daily agenda. it helps me organize my time. i'im going to start making them again. i had stopped making them b/c i was like "this is too ocd/anal/psycho/no-on-makes-this-type-of-detailed-daily-agenda." But, no, they work for me. Maybe I shouldn't make them but i'm going to. who cares anyway.
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I never went to bed last night :\ But I took a long nap when I finished some reading for Psych!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you cant fail at applying to grad schools! It's just not possible! You may not get in to every school you apply to but that doesnt mean that you failed at applying! [Same with studying, once again, try not to put toooo much stock in to the GRE...I didnt do well on it-AT ALL-and I was accepted in to all the programs I applied to! I do, however, recommend taking the paper test? I took the computer test and it's a lot easier to do poorly on it [as compared to the paper test in which you can go back and review/change your answers]
Best of luck with the sleep situation! Perhaps we should start our IA group :P
Final thought: Minus the rice...that chick pea-black bean-spicey thing sound SO good!!
It would be a really boring place if we all liked the same book. Some books are great for some not for others. Some are great at the time. For me that Good bye ed book was my first about ED's and I was floored because I had no idea and this lady was describing my behavior!
ReplyDeleteAs to the calories you probably burned a min of 300 durring the weights - maybe as much as 600 and another 400 with your running so burned 1000 basil rate of (lowest) 1400 so yep you didn't eat enough. LISTEN TO TRACY!!! If you are not eating enough then your body will crave it and you eat at night. Not a good thing. Try upping your cal intake durring the day, if the behavior stops then good if not then talk to your T about it. You are under a lot of stress and that can cause the night eating as well.
Don't you love it when people tell you to "just eat". But from a strickly calorie point of view you could be running a real deficit still. And I've learned that when some people come out of a restrictive cycle (YES I'M TALKING ABOUT YOU), their body's will increase their metabolism like crazy and they will need to eat more till it levels out.
Give yourself a little break you have been working hard. My GRE's were bad, I was on probation for the first grading period, 3 A's one B+, grrrr straight A's except for that one. Oh well, just enjoy it!
Thanks, EA.
ReplyDeleteI actually really liked her first book, Goodbye ED. I am not liking the second book (Good bye, Ed, Hello Me). You're right though. Different books at different times.
Thanks for the help with the calories (if it's enough or not enough). I really hate the sleep eating thing - it happens to me a lot in the last few years and it's so frustrating. Probably a combination of stress and some restriction. I bet even just a restrictive mindset can do it.
I do want to up my calories during the day actually.
And your body might just need the extra calories! It does sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI just finished Carrie A's book Next to Nothing. I found it very good. Lot's of stuff I knew but lots that I didn't. It's funny but I really want to know what it's like IP. I was just so terrified of it that it would have had to be involuntary now I'm thinking if I need it I might be able to do it. Some of things I doubt I would be able to do and I'm no where near ill enough to need that kind of care. Of course thinking of it caused me to reach out to someone today. I was planning on restricting, called and left a VM for them to that affect and now I think I can eat.
Geez all that from a comment on a book. Totaly nervous about eating lunch. Maybe some veggies and a fruit.